That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
