just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
