we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
