I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
