I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
whose parrot is this?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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