he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
