3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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