it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
