Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
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Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
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You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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