Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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