How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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