if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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