All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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