Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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