I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
