I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
