I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
