I will die if light touches me.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
