Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
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She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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