Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
