Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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