At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
