i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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