I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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