You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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