pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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