Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
