I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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