he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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