every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
