Rock
Scissors
Fuck
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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