LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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