He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
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Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
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Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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