On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
how drunk are you?
Several
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
