I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
