Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
