i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
