he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
and you fell through a lawn chair
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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