I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You smell like a Billy Joel song
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
