Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
