I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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