It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
