i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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