so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Are we still banned from the library?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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