I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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