Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
