her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
