took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
