you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
