Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
