community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
