you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
false alarm, still single
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
