yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i think i have two assholes
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
