he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
