Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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