she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
