So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
zippers are such a cool invention
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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