She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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