I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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