Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
