try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
