Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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