grandma shit on top of the toilet
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
