Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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