I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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