lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
